Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

self-musing....

I haven't self-mused in a few weeks. Maybe that's what's missing, ha, ha. Not sure, but wanted to document that I feel a pull whenever art comes up. It happened last night on PBS when the Austin artist Bydee was talking about his work and different pieces were shown, and then I noticed it when looking through my email and deciding what to read. I kept skipping over Robert Genn's (Art) newsletter to save me grief. What's that about? To save for later, and savor (at some time in the future). But I keep putting it off - that moment of getting to it (finally) like I have more important things to do, or more pressing things, or things related to my survival.... So, I keep putting off my bliss and my enchantment with life. Hmmm....like I'm saving my cookies til it's really raining. Til I'll really need them.

But what about "if you don't use it, you lose it," or shorter: "you snooze, you lose"? If I don't collect my cookies now, will they be there in the future? Are they a finite resource, and I better "get 'em while the gettin's good?" Or will it always be there? It's something about what I learned to do as a child, in clean up the house before you sit down (and relax in it) or do your homework and then you can go out and play. But sometimes it gets out of balance and it becomes all work and no play. At least not much play. Watching a favorite TV show at the end of a long day of cleaning and taking care of, is not much play. Not much imagination in that. Or much joy. It can be savored but it's quickly boring. I don't think joy would be boring. It could be ecstatic, quiet, peaceful, uplifting, but not boring.
Which brings me to joy .... and pleasure ... and why do I avoid it? To avoid feeling disappointed, getting my feelings hurt, having it taken away or being somehow restricted from enjoying it? More hmmmmm......

Or am I just putting off what I could have now...and then more later?

life and minor surgery

... life goes on ... but I definitely feel different. I had minor surgery last week to remove a small lipoma - a benign tumor about the size of a big wad of chewing gum from my right cheek. I had begun to notice it a few years back, but was hoping no one else would. I couldn't imagine paying for plastic surgery so I figured my preoccupations with it were idle concerns. Until the first time a friend asked whether I had the mumps.... Though I knew she was extraordinarily perceptive, I knew it was just a matter of time before others noticed and I would have to claim it.

I have always held a (barely conscious) belief in the importance of "being perfect," in physical form. So much so that when I was in my twenties, and discovered a patch of dryness on my leg that seemed to have no outward cause, I balked at the idea of some part of me not being "perfect." So, with this anomaly, I once again bumped up against my notion of physical perfection and how I had so identified with it early on. Very odd - that little pocket of absolutist thinking that had escaped detection until now.

At first, I tried out different ideas (or even rationalizations) about my face - that I had always had it (the fatty pad), which meant it was a natural part of me that didn't need to be removed, that it was natural because God had made me, etc. And I looked for ways to camoflauge it - with my hair all bushy and combed forward or trying blusher to define a cheekbone that wasn't there. I even considered the value of turning slightly to one side instead of facing someone directly, so it wouldn't be as obvious. But I bristled at that idea because I defined myself as direct in my communication and didn't want to change. (Form follows function. Would function follow form?)

I used to watch the Extreme Makeover shows and muse about what I would have done, if given the chance, and what I would not. It raised my consciousness not only of life's little "imperfections," but also of how we much we as a culture value how we look on the outside, and that beauty is defined as being symmetrical and "perfect" (meaning without flaw).

I ran through the gamut of what it could mean to my life, and tried to find a way to relate to it in the Japanese word Wabi-sabi, the "'Japanese art of appreciating the imperfect, the primitive, the incomplete,' .... Wabi-sabi asks that we 'set aside our judgements and our longing for perfection,' and concentrate instead on 'the beauty of things as they are'" (Publishers Weekly, Amazon.com).

I stole looks at my face in private until I could live with it. Then I began to be more proactive and point it out to people - close friends at first, then family, and then work colleagues, in order to call attention to it before they did, and thus render my embarassment mute. At first it was awkward but it worked. By naming it and owning it, I was no longer trying to live in the shadow of myself. And even though some friends said they couldn't tell if I hadn't had mentioned it, I wasn't so sure. But their kindness and discretion was noted and appreciated.

I finally came to terms with my face, through introducing the subject on my own and after repeated scrutinizations. I measured the width and depth of it, the look and feel of it, and somehow gained some kind of acceptance of it. It became part of my picture of myself, no longer a stranger -- not entirely perfect, but not rancid either. A "human" part of me.

In the "coming out" of it, I grew courageous (and accepting) enough to mention it to my doctor to see what he would say. He referred me to a plastic surgeon; I began to research about it on the internet. The plastic surgeon referred me to an Otolaryngology/Head and Neck Surgeon who successfully and easily removed it. (A bit of a wizard, was he.)

It was funny that after the surgery, upon looking at myself, it was like looking at someone else, like someone I could have been if I hadn't had that fatty pad in my cheek. I hadn't realized it til then, but I had incorporated the look of my face into who I was. I had started expressing the funny, kooky side of myself more. Now however, I was face to face with another, more womanly, more stately self. She was a mystery to me.

But I am glad to see her and I know we will become as close friends as my old pal, the clown was.

Note the "before" picture was at a party (smiling) and the "after" picture was after surgery (the drugged look).

Swamping the boat and Hakomi

Swamping the boat refers to how it is sometimes when circumstances or events seem to press harder and faster than you can go, or when you have a deadline that is totally eating your lunch ... there goes another metaphor..... For some people, having a deadline helps to put wind in your sails (as revered author Brad Brown said), and at other times or for other people, it swamps the boat.

Useful to know. How you are with the circumstances of your life - the deadlines posed from outside and the deadlines posed from within...? We want to do things on our schedule. At least, I do. I want to make it work according to my picture.

Therein lies the rub. We're not in control. That's the bad news -- while we're busy trying to get into control or take control or just can't take our hands off the wheel while the car is going over the cliff ..... and the good news -- when we finally get it that we don't have to be in control -- we can let go and let God. That's a wonderful relief ... at least for a few minutes ... and if we (by we, I mean "I"), can just remember - keep reminding ourselves that it's okay to let it go. It's okay to not hold on to the it of existence. The minutae and the details and the who said what to whom, but just bask in the glory of existence. To see the sweep in life, instead of a dreary plodding or a preoccupation with bean-counting.

A grace, instead of a punishment. A light if we will only look for it. Which brings me to Hakomi, which is a Hopi Indian word which means "How do you stand in relation to these many realms?

In this instance, I am refering to Hakomi Therapy, a body-centered therapy, of which ...

"Some of the origins ... stem from Buddhism and Taoism, especially concepts like gentleness, compassion, mindfulness, and 'going with the grain.' Other influences come from general systems theory, which incorporates the idea of respect for the wisdom of each individual as a living organic system that spontaneously organizes matter and energy, and selects from the environment what it needs in a way that maintains its goals, programs, and identity."

More on this soon. ; ) But there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel. Or am I awash in metaphor?

tree trimmers, snafus, and life

What this is about is all the snafus that occur in our days.... The tree trimmers that I met with 2+ weeks ago to cut some branches that are growing onto my roof (who have just now contacted me to do the job) ... the lawnmower shop that took my lawn mower in June to fix, saying it would take 6 weeks or more, and when I called in August, they said they couldn't repair that type (electric) and I had to go pick it up. ?....and why did they say they could do it in the first place? (??!!) ...and after all that, the mower started right up.

And, boy was I glad! I had been relying on a combination of friend's mower (which I had to go get), pushmower (slippery when wet) and weedeater (back-breaker). I got to where I started pulling the grass out with my hands (!!) ....which was easy because all the rain softened the ground. Now I am happy to say that I have a full lawn of some ground cover other than grass - something like clover. (And no, I didn't pull all that grass out myself.) The "clover" seems to have just taken over and it doesn't need half as much mowing : ) So I'm happy. I guess my persistence (and a little luck or positive ju-ju) paid off.

Now back to snafu-city. What do you do with a friend who misreads how important some mutual plans are to you and backs out, feigning forgetfulness? Well, what I've done, after all the strum and dang (is that right? got to look that up. It's German) is let it go. But still can't help wondering about it. Is all of life a big snafu? Are we all just test cases to see how well we'll do under the influence of snafu-pressure?

The funny thing is that a part of me wants to insist that it be done this way, or that this way is "right." What is that? Virginia Satir said there were more than ....[umpteen] ways to wash dishes. No one right way. Yes, but isn't there such a thing as order? Logic? Integrity? Accountability? Are those concepts too authoritarian to have any use in our lives?

After all is said and done -- and sometimes this takes a long time -- I'll go with love, compassion, forgiveness (of course), and letting go. Though I depend on logic and integrity, I practice compassion and forgiveness - maybe because those don't come as automatic. They have to be "worked at" - to that extent that anything as sublime can really be "worked at." But that's what it takes sometimes - compassion and forgiveness. See where it can take you.

Where were you in the 60's?

Where were you in the 60's?
I apologize for not keeping up with this blog. I don't know how many people might be keeping track of it.... but I got side-tracked trying to put together an art group. But that's another story....

I just saw a PBS documentary about the 60's and it was excellent! I learned a lot of things I didn't know, the most meaningful being that on the eve of the biggest anti-war demonstration to date - with 2 million participating across the country - that Nixon was considering threatening North Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia with nuclear weapons in order to end the war, and that because of that demonstration, he decided not to. It would've been the first use of nuclear weapons (I think that's what they said. I guess Hiroshima and Nagasaki weren't nuclear.) The pictures especially of the hippies and demonstrations really brought me back to those times. I was only 6 when the decade started and 14 in 1968, but definitely felt part of a movement bigger than all of us. I wish I had been older and had been able to participate more in the demonstrations and concerts (I barely missed out on Woodstock. I was only 16 and didn't have friends old enough to drive there from where I lived in New Jersey).

I was really pleased with the thought put into this documentary. They included balanced coverage from both sides of the political spectrum with interviews from McNamara, Kissinger, and Buchanan as well as Arlo Guthrie, Tom Hayden, Howard Zinn and others whose names I can't remember. It showed the wide scope of the times, including the race riots, the occupation of university offices at Columbia University, the demonstrations at UC-Berkely and Kent State, the assassinations of Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. , and described how the political landscape changed over time. (I didn't know what the Pentagon Papers were (!!) Now I do.) It was really clarifying for me. I think the main thing I got from it was that we, the people do have power and if we but believe and act for what we value, then change can happen. And that the more people involved, the more powerful we are.

One of the social activists on the left acknowledged that many who demonstrated against the war did not vote in the election with Nixon and Humphrey, and that it was a mistake. That the election was very close, with Nixon winning by only 1% or something. And that the ones who demonstrated slammed Humphrey and ignored Nixon. I had no idea. I am glad he acknowledged it as a mistake, because it also shows how important a vote can be in tipping the scales.

I know there are lots of others who can do better social commentary than me, but this time, I wanted to take the opportunity to write something about what I learned - which has amazing relevance today. I am proud to be a baby boomer, and proud to be a left-leaning liberal, and ex-hippie (though it really was before my time). I still enjoyed the excitement of the times and the gentle message of the hippie culture (before the excess of drugs) of peace and love.

Pictures of my friend's lazure painted house

Back in May, my friend Becca decided to paint some of her walls with a lazure technique which produces walls of very light pastel color with a luminous quality. It involves diluting paint many times with water and applying several coats over time to the wall with a special brush. The light will catch the color different ways depending on the angle you are looking from. There's a much better description on the websites I found through Google, such as: http://www.lazure.com/
http://www.lazurepainting.com/
http://www.lazurebylogsdon.com/

These websites have beautiful pictures of the work of these lazure artists, so check it out if you can.

The lazure painting technique is used widely in Europe to add a healing atmosphere to hospitals, etc. as well as to bring relaxation and creativity to Waldorf Schools and business conference rooms and, and of course, to bring charm and a meditative quality to bedrooms and other rooms in private homes. (My friend actually had it done mainly in her living room, front hall, and dining nook. She used yellow, green, blue, rose/crimson, and purple for beautiful effect.)

More photos of her house can be seen at my Flickr webpage: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lauradeanne (also see Links to the right)

summertime photos

This is Esperanza and me. She is a friend of mine, actually niece to a friend. We are having a good time visiting at her aunt's office at the University of Texas.

Artists talk about where to show their work

Artist Robert Genn's "click-backs" on his last week's newsletter on Context -
This particular newsletter is about deciding where to show your (art) work and what kind of response you might get. Many artists from all over the country (and the world) responded and he posted their responses on his website at http://clicks.robertgenn.com/context.php.

Wonderful - the feedback I read from all these artists. Gave me great insight into how they view their work and the type of decisions to be made in doing artwork that you want to sell.

one of my closest friends and my son

Needless to say, I'm very proud of him.

Wholistic Art Group

Come join the ** Wholistic Art Group ** on Sunday, June 24, 3:30-5:30pm at The Work Shop, 1211 W 6th St., Austin, Texas. (www.theworkshopaustin.com)

We will be making art in this wonderful new space and enjoying a blissful respite from the heat!

I want to create art within an empowered community of kindred spirits. What is important is that we have a shared purpose, a time to get together, and each other for encouragement, ideas, and support.

My intention is to allow it to evolve according to what I learn as I go, and one big change is to add healing as part of my vision of art-making in community.

(See Art as a Healing Force, http://www.artashealing.org/)

wildflower excursions

New photos! These were taken on the University of Texas campus. The tree was at the bridge by San Jacinto going west and toward the running track.

The flowers are part of the Blanton Museum grounds near where I work at MLK, Jr. Blvd. So nice of them to let that portion of their grounds be all wildflowers!

Identity

Identity. What is it? Things you tell yourself about who you are? What other people have told you? What you learned as a child? How do we form our identities and then depend on them so much to get us through?

What stories do you tell yourself about who you are? What aspects make you feel "good" about yourself and what aspects make you feel "bad," ie, things you like and things you don't like.

Why are we identified with those roles, self-images, pictures of ourselves, unless something happens to us which make us question them?

I'm not the strong, silent, independent person I thought I was, and yet I'm stronger in a different way, and self-reliant, and yet also can remember the me that feels weak, that feels like whining, that feels dependent upon someone to take care of me. These are all inside, but the exact combination of "strong" that I used to think I was, is no more. There is no need for it, because I've learned that it is a fake "strong." It was a "strong" based on how it looked on the outside, based on how others looked on the outside, based on being a certain way and looking a certain way. That shell has long cracked and a more fluid sense of self has emerged instead.

Could that be what they're talking about in The Hidden Side of Happiness: Pleasure only gets you so far. A rich, rewarding life often requires a messy battle with adversity, in Psychology Today online (see Favorite Links).

This article was thought-provoking, because I didn't expect pop psychology to address what seems the antithesis of pop psychology - a situation where there are no easy answers. An experience, a concept more similar to a spiritual experience or a philosophy than a "scientific" study. But oh, so liberating....

It reminded me of about 10 different books I have read and several workshops I have participated in.

doldrums and what Grandfather would say

...doldrums time of year .... school's out (at least for university) ... but not quite time for summer session .... and my birthday's nearing and as my anticipation is overcome by anxiety at not having it be just that certain way that I want it to be, I remember the words of my old Grandfather .....

Okay, that's made up but not the part about my inner deal with wanting it to be a certain way vs. giving up and trying to make the best of it on my own ....

... but what would Grandfather say to me if he could? Well, my make-believe Grandfather would say: "the world is my oyster." No, that was my Father-in-law. Grandfather would say to neither be swayed by praise nor criticism, but hold to the middle way, the way of moderation, or something like that. (My Grandfather would have deep Eastern religious roots.) Anyway, that's what really works for me, because I sometimes feel like a lost balloon that goes floating along in the sky all around the town -- it's lots of fun while I'm out there exploring, but hell to pay when it's time to find my way home again.

Or alternately, I could imagine being pulled this way and that, like taffy, til I'm finally pulled too thin. And then I have to spend some time reconstituting myself with sugar and some TLC.

But right now, let's go with the balloon imagery. It satisfies something inside me that would really like to do that right now. The dirty dishes can wait!

Just imagine looking out the window and seeing a red balloon flying away up high in the sky. That'll be me.

how the political is personal

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2007/05/04/gop_debate/print.html

---

excerpt from Make room for Daddy

At the Reagan Library, the GOP's 2008 contenders compete for the Gipper's mantle -- and for the title of Most Macho.

By Michael Scherer

May. 04, 2007 | Ten Republican men gathered on a stage Thursday night to pound their chests. Each of them looked tough. Each talked tough. Each tried to be the alpha dog, the real-deal decider, the next Ronald Reagan....
... It was hard to miss the point. Republicans have a different code than Democrats. Liberals elect leaders with finesse and style, men or women who can inspire, who can seek out the truth and lead the nation there. When the Democratic presidential candidates debated last week, the front-runners were modest and reasonable and calm. Republicans, on the other hand, elect father figures, men who will never flinch and will always lay down the law. The candidates came out swinging.

Eight years ago, President George W. Bush looked as though he would pass this test. But he turned out to be a ninny. He led the conservative movement into a period of decadence and decline. He revealed the limits of American power by sending the nation into a losing foreign war. So the Grand Old Party has reached back to the past, to Ronald Reagan, the great California cowboy who never sweated the details. The Republican primary has become, in many ways, a fatherhood audition. Only a man's man will save us.
...
For their first debate, Democrats traveled to an all-black college in South Carolina, where they were greeted by the vibrant gyrations of a step marching band. It was a place of the people, noisy, confusing, teeming with humanity. Republicans, by contrast, chose the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, a stucco-sided monument to masculinity. The public was not permitted past the front gate. Protesters had to rent a prop plane, which circled overhead, dragging a banner ....
...
Giuliani continues to poll well nationally, but land mines await. In perhaps the most jarring moment of the debate, the candidates called one-by-one for the reversal of Roe v. Wade, which guarantees women the option of abortion. Then the question got to Giuliani. "It would be OK," he said of reversing Roe, heretically noncommittal. [Emphasis added.] Later he used the language of Democrats. "I would respect a woman's right" to an abortion, he said.

In the spin room, Giuliani's own pollster, Ed Goeas, estimated that about one in five Republican primary voters will not support a pro-choice candidate. His senior advisor, Jim Dyke, acknowledged that a Giuliani victory could redefine the party. ... All this places a heavy burden on the former New York mayor. For him to win, he will have to change the politics of abortion as we know it. He will have to revamp the GOP. A trick like that could make winning in Iraq look easy.
...
MSNBC's Chris Matthews, the moderator of the debate, gave some opening remarks and then abandoned the candidates to wait. ... The Republican field was on its own. It was make or break time, the end of the beginning of the campaign season. They had to take a deep breath and face the cameras like the men they wanted so much to be.

- By Michael Scherer

From Posted Letters about this article:

Father Figures

Mr. Scherer is correct -- perhaps more correct than he knows -- when he refers to the Republican candidates as father figures.

For anyone attempting to understand the mindset of Conservatives and Liberals, there is nobody more helpful than George Lakoff. His book, "Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think," is a gem of clarity.

Well, the progressive worldview is modeled on a nurturant parent family. Briefly, it assumes that the world is basically good and can be made better and that one must work toward that. Children are born good; parents can make them better. Nurturing involves empathy, and the responsibility to take care of oneself and others for whom we are responsible. On a larger scale, specific policies follow, such as governmental protection in form of a social safety net and government regulation, universal education (to ensure competence, fairness), civil liberties and equal treatment (fairness and freedom), accountability (derived from trust), public service (from responsibility), open government (from open communication), and the promotion of an economy that benefits all and functions to promote these values, which are traditional progressive values in American politics.

The conservative worldview, the strict father model, assumes that the world is dangerous and difficult and that children are born bad and must be made good. The strict father is the moral authority who supports and defends the family, tells his wife what to do, and teaches his kids right from wrong. The only way to do that is through painful discipline — physical punishment that by adulthood will become internal discipline. The good people are the disciplined people. Once grown, the self-reliant, disciplined children are on their own. Those children who remain dependent (who were spoiled, overly willful, or recalcitrant) should be forced to undergo further discipline or be cut free with no support to face the discipline of the outside world.

The above is from an interview Lakoff did for the Berkeley US News.
-- J. Mandel

Family portrait

Happy family. This is a picture of my brother and his family, which I took recently. It's amazing how they all have their own unique personalities and yet come together so well.

They are, from left to right, Damian, Laura, Nate, Devereux, and in front, Nathan.

It's one of those "treasure those moments because they'll be gone before you know it." But for now, life is all about youngsters growing into teenagers....

What do I want to tell you about?

What do I want to tell you about? A few days ago, I saw a PBS show on Irshad Manji who is ...

... the internationally best-selling author of The Trouble with Islam Today: A Muslim’s Call for Reform in her Faith. Through a new lens, this questioning Muslim takes a journey to reconcile her faith in Allah with her love of freedom. Along the way, she reveals the personal risks — emotional and physical — that come with such an urgent mission. The result is FAITH WITHOUT FEAR.

I was very impressed with Irshad. I emailed her for her picture, but so far I have just gotten back an automatic reply. I plan to write her again and to get familiar with what she's saying and learn a little about Islam and her culture. Mostly, I was impressed with her clarity of thought and courage in speaking up and doing so without resentment and blame. It's not so much that she was logical (in what I've heard so far), as that she is open-minded and yet cuts through all the dogma (and superstition and judgments) with ease.

What I found amazing, was that I understood her and could relate to her easily. She seemed to be speaking for me in some instances. This part is harder to explain but I come from a southern Baptist family background and was steeped in the tradition of rigid rules and codes of behavior that go along with that, combined with just plain ole Southern mores and small town predjudices and do's and don'ts. I have spent most of my adult life challenging the narrow mindset that I grew up with. Irshad has challenged some of what her mother has taught her and (which her mother still believes) about her religion and I found myself strangely moved by Irshad's clarity and strength. To me, this kind of intelligence and courage is to be recognized and applauded. It is not clouded by political manueverings (as far as I can tell) or anything related to flattering, pleasing, persuading (except to think it through), pretending, obfuscating, or denying. It is just stating the facts and knowledge gleaned by going to the source - the Quran (Koran) and paying attention to how people interpret it and live it -- what they do in its name.

This is a high achievement for someone in our time and with this volatile an issue, but even more so for a woman, seeing how women are not given much respect or say-so in the Islamic culture. That's why I say: what a breath of fresh air!

musings on grey skies and clay earth

Today I feel like I'm stuck in the earth... and I don't mean in a good way... but mired so to speak in the heaviness of it all - clay mud and grey skies and damp, humid breezes.... There's something so earthy about it and even though I'm a Taurus and that's our stuff, I feel stuck in it somehow... like I can't transcend this earthly plane no more.

My thoughts drop like heavy raindrops into a too-wet, swampy earth. And though there are a myriad of plants (and adventures) awaiting, I am glued to the spot and feel more in common with the common housefly than with the wingéd imagination of Mercury or the blazing glory of Zeus. Not that I *should* be tracing the heavens in a silver chariot, but the thought has always gotten me out of bed before .... now my feet are lead and my head is cotton-puffy and my enigmatic expression due to a practiced persona rather than anything particulary intelligent going on inside my head.

Ah well, it's a void-of-course moon and that means that the energies are good for napping, answering email, getting caught up on things, etc. So I'm in good company. Plus it's always helpful to have time to digest the experiences of one's life, rather than always rushing down the lane from one adventure to the next. How else can we understand the forces at work? How else can we feel properly? Certainly not from overexposure to TV, radio, traffic, office gossip, etc. From overexposure, all we get is an automaton. Someone who "obeys their thirst," as the slogan goes, but which really means a media-constructed id personality who solely desires to fulfill that need (constructed by the media) for that brand of soft drink. Yuucchhh!

Where is the "soft animal of your body"? (Mary Oliver) Where is the one-who-knows in all this? Definitely not sipping on one of hundred available advertised brands of soft drink, that's for sure. But to feel what you feel and know what you know - now that's not something easily co-modified, not so easily translated, not so easily packaged, not so easily consumed. In fact, we often choke on the truth, or start to. But I'll tell you one thing, the truth is ultimately palatable in the most desirable way. It can change your life. It can open your eyes. It can make you free as the saying goes. Just take it with a shot of trust, because it will go down easier. So I guess my post today is about trusting. Trusting what shows up in your life, even if it's not what you wanted, not what you asked for, not what you would even recognize on an ordinary day. But one which you do eventually recognize on an unusual day - one like today.

My truth? What today is about? All things change. I'll have to work up to specifying. Broad, general strokes, philosophically rendered, will have to do today. See you next time.

Virginia Tech Sorrow

I wanted to extend some sympathy and lovingkindness to the families and friends of the victims of the Virginia Tech rampage, as well as to all the students there and this is what came through. It represents Nature (in the persona of the flower), looking on with sadness and feeling sympathy for the anguish of the Virginia Tech students (symbolized by the young man's head coming out of the earth).

It was amazing that I was able to access this symbolic portrayal of how I felt given the sensationalism and lurid detail of some of the network news station coverage that was available on TV. It was disturbing.

I wanted to express my feelings in an uncomplicated, yet poignant way. My hope for you is that you find a way to express yourself ... if you were moved by this tragedy.

It's not that I don't want to grow.....

It's not that I don't want to grow. Sometimes I just get bored with it. Tired. Whatever. But I can tell it's time to let go, because I've been dreading coming here and posting again. Like I couldn't possibly top what I put up a day ago, etc..... Yesterday I was trying to be all cheerful and zen-like and that didn't work. Well it worked for about 20 minutes. ; )

But I couldn't get to my computer soon enough to write down those pearls of wisdom before they began to change to dross. Now, I'm not sure what dross is but I think it's the leftover of what is processed of golden wheat or gold or something. If you know, please drop me a line.

Anyway, part of the process of growing is the resting - which we in the West have a hard time with. I don't know about you -- but I do. Americans tend to be always on the go and action-oriented. Not much room for contemplation. Or rest.

Also part of the process of growing is the dying back (as any gardener knows), in order for new growth to occur.

Okay, now that I've covered that subject...I'll try to get on to the next one....which is? I don't know, but I know I won't be trying too hard. Because part of growing myself for me is letting be. And that's what's going to happen now.

Online art projects

Online art projects - I love it!
(see url at end) Why didn't I think of that? !! I would love to showcase my art, but on the other hand, want this to be more than that - an eclectic grab bag, if you will. Maybe that's not exactly what I wrote on the intro, but just another facet of life-as-we-know-it.

I wouldn't want to solicit photos of people holding up a placard with my name on it, but on the other hand, would love to post photos of people who send me a photo of themselves. Just don't want to get caught in a rut, say like asking for pictures of people with their pet frogs, or some natural catastrophe or something. But I am definitely intrigued. I would like the enlarge the scope of the audience here. So far, have only had one comment posted. Hmmmm....

I guess I will think about this and the possibilities.
http://www.austin360.com/arts/content/arts/stories/2007/04/9artblogs1.html
http://www.anniholm.blogspot.com/

It's that time of year....

It's that time of year and I'm not talking taxes...I'm talking butterflies and daffodils and bluebonnets...and wind whishing in your hair as you ride with the hood down....it's April and all the associations that come with Spring..... new beginnings, regeneration, celebration, joy, growing (my favorite activity), spurting (okay, we'll leave that one alone), etc. Anything that's not frozen, but running freely... like me through green meadows barefoot .... you get the idea.

In that vein (or stream), I am showing a picture of a painting maybe a decade old, but which fits the time of year..... I hope you like it. I have more and will post them from time to time.

In my mundane life, I just found out that the electric lawn mower I had that went kaput, is running after all ... after I took it to two repair shops. Embarrassed, yes, but I will trade that embarrassment anyday for finding out that an appliance is not broken after all. In fact, I will care more for it now and treasure it as I believe I wasn't trusting it enough. It was more hardy than I thought (!) I guess that's the same with me sometimes too. ; )

Easy

Easy is right
Begin right and you are easy
Continue easy and you are right
The right way to go easy
Is to forget the right way
And forget that the going is easy.
- Chinese saint Chuang Tzu

I didn't have the url of the photo I wanted to post, so took it off. From now on, I will remember to get the info on the photo if it's taken from the web, so the photographer's work is acknowledged and you, my dear reader, can go the the website it was found on if you want to.
This photo was from the National Geographic website.
http://lava.nationalgeographic.com/pod/

misc. notes with moth

This was easier to post to when I was just getting started and in the heat of excitement. Now I have to admit that I'm dragging a little. I mean, who reads this, anyway? Of course, I could just write to a supposed audience and that has some merit too. But I'm really wondering about how to make this a vehicle for growing myself as well as a forum for growing you.

Maybe that's too pretentious. Or too esoteric. Thought I have seen a lot of disparate interests displayed on the internet. Nothing seems to be out of the question. Which is a good thing. But what exactly was the question?

On a more material plane, I took this photo of the beautiful moth on my front door a few days ago. Today, I saw an even beautiful-er and bigger moth, but didn't have my camera handy. Maybe I'll start a series called "Moths attracted to my light" ; )

chat

I'm not one to chat much....but I was feeling like there was something I needed to do (writing this post today) ..... still getting used to this blogging....not sure what it is for, except something vaguely about growing myself, which means to me.... What does it mean to me? It means "what am I interested in?" What is getting my attention and pulling me along with it?" Where are there places that I want to go? Things I want to do? Etc. How can I provide for myself the nourishment that I desire in order to live a happy, fulfilling life?

I'm open to comments, questions, etc. I think that's what has kept me from blogging earlier - what readers might say. But the benefits outweigh the risks. I would rather be heard from, even if someone disagrees with something I say or doesn't like it. It's like riding on a rollercoaster. Or what I did today: I addressed a class for an absent instructor, relaying a long message. That was thrilling really. A minor thrill, but still a thrill. I have always been moderately shy in groups - at least til I got to know people on a one-to-one basis. But I did it and didn't get nervous and try to run out of there. Woo-hoo! They even asked me questions before I left. It really was different from what I always expected I'd do or even from what I have done in the past (I substitute taught elementary, junior high, and high school briefly). That right there is a place that I have grown much since I taught which was probably 10-15 years ago. What things can you remember that were once hard for you, or which you used to avoid, but now you can do it no prob?

jury duty

I had jury duty today. It wasn't as bad as I expected - last time I was part of a jury pool of 200 or so. This time it was in a small building on 6th St. with about 20 of us. It just took time. And the case involved a minor caught with alcohol. Didn't get how young, but I think they were driving age. I was so glad that I wasn't picked. Civic duty or not. I could be out there in the world spreading joy and love and doing better for humanity than deliberating on the guilt or innocence and level of fine for the defendant. There are people that are good with that. But I'm not. I'd rather be out and about. Don't coop me up too long in a windowless room under fluorescent lights with a bunch of suits staring at me and everybody else wanting to get out of there. To be fair, the room had a wonderful skylight that changed the lighting in the room whenever the sun came out. That was delightful.

No pictures this time - they would just show me running around trying the find a parking space and then trying to find the building. But that last one - running out of the court when we were dismissed - that was a keeper. ; )

Lazure painting

I learned how to do lazure painting this weekend. Well, not totally, but did learn the 3 steps - base coat, color coat, and dry brushing -- and used them on my friend's front door entranceway. She was in the process of painting her living and dining room area, plus the entranceway. They already had done the dining area a shimmering yellow, and a friend painted the bottom area a blushing reddish while I was there. It really gave the dining room a very nice warm blush. Reminded me of Casablanca. (Very different from those stark white walls they had.) They were going to paint the livingroom blue, going to green, going to yellow, I think. When I talked with her last, they had started painting that, so we'll see how it comes out. If I can remember, I will take pictures and post them here later.

A friend who had learned lazure painting -- Jenny Meadows -- managed the enterprise. Here is a picture of her work. She is not a professional lazurist - just someone who enjoys painting with that technique.

didn't go to concert

Dear blog,

Didn't go to concert. Was a great idea, but as often happens, ran out of time and energy. Drat! But I still got to listen to them via the video link. You can too!!

I am going to learn how to do lazure painting this weekend. A friend of mine is getting a group of us together to help paint her walls lazure. Here is a photo of what it looks like (from this website: http://www.lazure.com/murals.html). Would love to learn how to do it myself. Will soak up everything I hear this weekend.

This is a little weird, but am just learning how to update my blog on a regular basis, so need them training wheels....

Ciao!

hey

Dear blog,

how are you?

Cuidado,
Lauradeanne
--
con mucho gusto

This is how I learned to email a post to my blog. It's simple!

Traditional Gypsy Guitar concert - March 22

Vadim Kolpakov (from Moscow Romen Theater) is a virtuoso guitarist who has been steeped in the Russian Gypsy tradition from childhood. He plays the Russian 7-string guitar, sings and dances. The New York Times acclaimed Vadim’s virtuoso guitar playing. He has toured extensively in the USA, the Russian Federation and Europe. In 2004 he founded the Boston, MA Russian Gypsy group: ViaRomen (ViaRomen.com). Oleg Timofeyev holds an M.A. in Early Music Performance from the University of Southern California (1993), and a Ph.D. in Performance Practice from Duke University (1999). Since 1983, he has been performing early music on original instruments of the plucked family (lute, guitar). In 1989 this interest brought him to the U.S. where he studied with Patrick O’Brien, James Tyler, and Hopkinson Smith. Timofeyev has recorded two CDs "The Golden Age of the Russian Guitar" which met with rave reviews. He is preparing several more discs of little-known Russian music of the 18th and 19th centuries for release with his group TALISMAN. Watch a video from a recent performanceCREEES

New York vacation pictures

These are currently at:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lauradeanne

Thanks. I will tranfer them as soon as I can.

Pictures to show

What I want to create is a site with lots of pictures - both personal and others from out there in the world. Here are a couple of my favorite latest.....
http://gbgm-umc.org/umcor/actphotos/darfur05/life/index.htm

Gregg and Michelle

Here is Gregg and Michelle sitting on my couch at our recent get-together. Not my best picture, but now I know to use higher-quality picture setting. Plus get lots of photos, not just one or two.

Beginning

I am here. Again. And this time I'll be more witty, more conscious, more apropros..... or so I think. I think the main thing with a blog, at least what I think with my blog, is to keep it going. Keep adding commentary. Keep adding photos. Tell friends about it. But make it a part of my everyday life. Before, I started one that fizzled out and I think it was because I was holding it as something special. Something special that I had to "look up to," had to do my best with and on top of that, had to be inspired with. So that those plums - those juicy plums of inspired thought - would just tumble out of my mouth, or my hands, as the case may be. Not this time. This time I will focus on maintaining. That (sometimes) dull, though consistent maintaining of communication, of a relationship even (gasp) with you, my loyal readers, with what's "out there" in cyberland. So, with that in mind, let's get going. Let's explore the strange new world of growing yourself.